“This has been on my heart for so long now, and I feel a pull there to make me want to share, this feels so important to me!! We are now into March and spring is on the way, I am still a happy me, thanks to my PAs, my buddies!! They are so passionate about their work, so giving, and they do it from the heart, I have no doubt on that!
Do you know how freeing it is for life not to be a chore! It was an effort to live my life and be happy. I have to exercise and I travel to a gym in Sheffield because I trust it and what I get there, I can’t get in Doncaster. It was hard for this not to be a chore, because of this disability, to be brief, getting up in a morning doing what we all have to do. As well as tying to run a home aswell, I was worn out most of the time. This was so disheartening for me, a low mood, stress, worry, fear, I was on my own in this. I have a daughter who is a little angel and I have battled to be the Mum I want to be without depending on her! She has a life and works full time. She has seen me in some very low states, I have to say and I’m not proud of that at all, it affected our relationship! My mum and dad too have seen me battling, absolutely worried sick and they have enough to contend with, with their own health. I had the stress on top of all this, trying to act happy, pretending! With all Neurological conditions the advice they give is to avoid stress.
Do you know, I had forgotton what life was all about! I lived that way thinking it was normal! I have a right to be happy, I am happy, and I now realise just what happiness is! I have limitations, but what I can do, I do with help and I feel more secure and safe!! It was only just before I had my PAs that I fell and knocked my head, it did bleed and I was very shook up! I wasn’t as invincible as I thought! I was so lucky for it not to do more damage.
Another thing that has been such a big learning curve for me is that I was allowing myself to be in vulnerable situations without having the sense to realise! I have had some very unpleasant circumstances to deal with. This has concerned me, because I would have said that I am not vulnerable at all! But you see, it is amazing just what having a physical condition can do to a person and we all have different personalities so we will all react and cope in different ways.
I now feel that I have a right to live happily, I certainly feel more at peace with myself and I feel safe. I can deal with this condition that I have positively, I can do things I enjoy, just like anyone else. I have had such a lucky escape, I really don’t know where I would have ended up.
Love and thanks to Active Independence.”